There was once a positive and affirming tradition in retailing.  After the customer paid, the seller would say “Thank you” and the customer would reply “Thank you”.  Those “thank-you”s were full of meaning.  The customer was saying, “Thank you for having the goods and services I wanted ready and available for me at a price I thought was reasonable.  No one compelled you to do it, and I genuinely appreciate it.”  The retailer was saying, “Thank you for choosing this store to meet your needs when you have so many alternatives.  It means a lot that you freely chose us.”

It’s a fitting moment to acknowledge that we are making a voluntary exchange that benefits us both.  They know that I don’t have to shop there and I know that they don’t have to make sure that my favorite brand of salsa is on the shelf.  We have both sought each other out for mutual aid.

I notice that in the South, where courtesy is much more a part of everyday life than it is in other parts of the United States, people will substitute “Y’all come back and see us, now.”  I believe this is just as good as “Thank you”.  It underscores the voluntary nature of the momentary association between buyer and seller.  It encompasses the notion that the customer is free to go somewhere else and therefore an effort should be made to welcome him or her to return.

This moment of mutual acknowledgment has gone missing in the corner of the world I live in.  Usually, what I hear at checkout is “Have a nice day.”  This reminds me of the joke about how many New Yorkers it takes to screw in a light bulb.  The answer: None of your damn business.  How many Californians does it take?  None of your damn business, but have a nice day.

When I hear, “Have a nice day” I am tempted to say “You should be saying thank you.”  What I say instead is “You too.”  The expression has no sense of momentary voluntary association, no sense of mutual benefit, only a robotic wish that nothing will happen that will disturb you, but only for the rest of the day.

I have learned from my dear wife how important it is to acknowledge other people when they do something positive or when they demonstrate a character trait that is noteworthy.  I had a positive experience in my local QFC grocery a couple of weeks ago when an employee unexpectedly re-introduced the “thank you” tradition.  I went out of my way to acknowledge the action.

Gabriel was bagging my groceries.  I doubt he is more than 20 years old.  His lightly accented English suggests to me that he immigrated from east Africa as a teenager, although that’s a guess.  The cashier, an assistant manager no less, finished ringing me up and said “Have a nice day.”  But Gabriel said, “Thank you for shopping with us.”  I made a point of telling Gabriel how much I appreciated that he had said that.  He smiled.  I smiled.

A week later, I was back at my neighborhood QFC.  I avoided the line of the slowest, most inaccurate checker in the store and glided into the line of what turned out to be the second slowest checker in the store.  But the compensation was that Gabriel was there, bagging groceries like mad.  I looked forward to our mutual recognition of the voluntary beneficial exchange in which we were participating.  As he finished he said to me, “Have a nice day.”  There is still work to do.