The Associated Press reports that a man driving his car in Pierce County, Washington lost control of the vehicle and crashed into a tree in a single-vehicle accident.  He was carrying two passengers: a woman in the front seat and a three-year-old in the back.

Witnesses reported that they weren’t wearing any clothes.  I mean, witnesses reported that the two adults exited the car without clothes.  No, I mean witnesses reported that both of the adults were naked when they exited the car.  The police report that the driver was impaired and the couple were having sex as the driver attempted to drive.

Either of these conditions could cause a driver to lose control of a vehicle negotiating the dark roads of rural Pierce County, Washington.  But how did the couple think they were going to manage their rendezvous?  A driver behind the wheel of a car, even one who is intent on having sex with his front seat passenger, and even when both of them have already shed their clothing, would have to negotiate daunting physical and mechanical challenges.  When you consider that the car was moving, it’s a testament to the power of the forces that urge each species to reproduce.

What was the driver doing out on the road at all?  The AP reports that he has been convicted three times for driving under the influence.  How many traffic stops does it take to yield three convictions, and how many times has he driven in that condition without being stopped?  The fellow may have decided that mere drunk driving does not sufficiently test the limits of the judicial system’s willingness to jolly him along.

Was he driving his own car?  How do you buy insurance to maintain registration when you have three DUIs?  And if it wasn’t his car, who would lend a car to someone who is known to drive under the influence habitually?

But the most nagging question was raised by a statement from the police spokeswoman, Brooke Bova.  Quoting from the story:

Bova says the woman, who was also naked, was hospitalized with broken bones. Bova says her 3-month-old child in the back seat was uninjured.

What was the state patrol spokesperson’s child doing in the back seat of the car?