Like most people, I get a lot of unwanted calls on my mobile phone.  (I get them on my landline, too, but I don’t want to lose credibility with younger readers by mentioning that I have one.)  In the last week or so, a new feature appeared on my android phone.  If the phone thinks the caller is illegitimate, it gives me the option to have Google screen the call.

Google answers the call and recites the message that the owner of the phone is using Google to screen calls.  It invites the caller to state his/her name and the reason for the call.  Without fail, the caller ends the call without leaving a message.  It’s a terrific service that appeared out of nowhere.  If Google wants to skew my search results in exchange, I think it’s a fair trade.  In fact, it’s pure gain to me, since they were skewing search results anyway.

Unfortunately, a scam caller got through to me about an hour ago.  I was in my car. I didn’t want to take my attention off the road to see who was calling and to hit the “screen call” button if needed.  Instead, I accepted the call through my car’s Bluetooth.

The caller was a young-sounding woman who told me she was calling from H-P.  My service contract was about to expire and she wanted to run a check on my laptop while it was still under contract.  I no longer have an HP laptop and I never had a service contract, so there was no question this was not a legitimate call.

I thought I would try to meet the caller on her own terms.  It’s the season when we should reach out to our fellow pilgrims upon the surface of the earth.  I told her that I had a strict limit of two scam calls per day.  Unfortunately, two other people had gotten to me before she had.  I told her that if she would like to call back tomorrow, I would be happy to take her call and let her try to scam me.

I had expected her to step back.  She had entered my car by placing a mask between us.  By putting a second mask into the scene, I had expected, or perhaps I had only hoped, that we could both put our masks aside and have a good laugh over her earnest attempt to open and then empty my wallet and my cheerful parry.

Instead, she doubled down.  She assured me that this was not a scam, that her only purpose was to ensure the continued efficient operation of my HP laptop, and that my best course was and would continue to be to allow her to walk me through the HP-tested procedures for maintaining the health of my computer.

I thought that this was not playing the game.  She had been found out.  She ought to have put down the mask and shared a laugh.  Instead, she continued to try to scam me.  For a second time, I invited her to call back tomorrow – early, before the other scammers make their attempts.  She told me she was going to cancel my HP service contract and hung up.

I wish her no ill will.  We all must find a way to put food on the table.  A Merry Christmas and a happy holiday season to her and, more importantly, dear reader (without whose continued support I would be forced to shutter this blog), to you.