This is an imagined transcript of a fictional conversation taking place over a speakerphone.  Two Americans named Sonny and Pauly – I borrowed the names from “The Godfather” – are on a call to some Ukrainian business associates.  After the conversation is underway, the Americans are joined by a more senior individual who is identified only as “the Big Guy”.

Sonny:  Good afternoon, gentlemen.

Accented voices: And good morning to you.

Sonny:  Following up on our last conversation, I wanted to repeat that Pauly and I – Pauly’s here in the room with me – are still interested in working with you to address the issues that concern you.  Thinking about the alternatives that you mentioned last time, we think if we served on your board, that would be the most effective way to put us in a position to solve your problems.

Voice:  Sonny, thanks.  So that we understand each other, we are not talking about problems, plural.  Really, we are not even talking about a problem.  More of a situation.  We want to improve the public-private partnership here in this country, but we can’t do that without cooperation from the other side.  A certain amount of give and take.

Sonny:  I totally understand.  Pauly and I, we’re available to help.  That’s what we do.  Listen, we can talk about the details later, but you remember that I’ve mentioned the Big Guy in some of our past discussions?

Voice:  Of course.

Sonny:  Well, it’s a coincidence, but the Big Guy happens to be available at the moment.  He’ll stop by in a few minutes if that’s OK with you.  I’d like him to say hello.

Voice:  I, all of us, would be happy to talk with him.

Sonny:  There’s no need to go into any details with him.  I think you would enjoy talking with him and he would enjoy talking with you.  You, Pauly, and I, we can pick up this other conversation after he leaves.

Voice:  Of course.  I understand.

The door to the room opens.  The Big Guy enters.

Sonny:  Hi, Big Guy.  You remember Pauly?

Big Guy: Harya, Pauly.

Sonny: And we have some of our Ukrainian associates on the line.  I thought you might like to say hello.

Big Guy:  From the Ukraine?  Whaddaya know!

Sonny lunges for the “mute” button.

Sonny:  They don’t say “the” anymore.  It’s just “Ukraine”.

Sonny presses “unmute”.

Big Guy:  Hey guys, I didn’t mean to say “the” before.  You know, I grew up in a Ukrainian neighborhood.  Three of my best buddies were Ukrainian.  They were always over at my house and I was always over at their house.  Houses I should say.  I tell ya, I ate so much borscht in high school, my lips turned red.  My buddies used to kid me because they thought I was wearing lipstick.  No joke.  True story.  Of course, today that wouldn’t be an issue but back then it could be a big deal for certain people, bigots.  Anyway, they were always telling me to drop the “the” and I was always forgetting even then.

Voice:  Back then it was “the”.

Big Guy:  I know.  That’s what I’m saying.  Even then, these guys, these friends of mine, they objected to “the”.  They were ahead of the game.  We have to keep changing with the times.  Change is good.

Voice:  Agreed.

Big Guy:  So, I don’t know anything about your situation.  You understand that, right?

Voice:  Of course.

Big Guy:  Sonny is the smartest guy I know and Pauly here, he’s no slouch either.  Whatever your situation may be, I think they can help you find a workable solution.

Voice:  We’ll talk to Sonny and Pauly later about the situation.  In this country, situations are very changeable, like the weather.

Big Guy:  Speaking of that, how is the weather where you are?

Voice:  The weather here is a little cloudy, but we are hoping for better weather soon.

Big Guy:  They say everyone complains about the weather but no one ever does anything about it, although with the UN, the scientists, we’re working on it, know what I mean?

Voice:  I know what you mean.

Big Guy:  Gentlemen, I have to leave you for a previously scheduled appointment, but it’s been a real pleasure.

Voice:  Thank you, sir.  Good day to you.

The Big Guy leaves.  The phone line stays open.

Voice:  Very satisfactory conversation for us.  You have a transcript?  Your colleagues in the news media can work with it?  You need to brief them?

Sonny:  We don’t need to brief anybody.  There’re one or two news organizations here that will publish lies and distortions no matter what the facts are.  There’s no point in making our case to them.  Our people will report honestly that you guys talked about borscht and the weather.  They’ll stick to the facts.

Voice:  I regret that you have to give a thought to any news organizations that would publish lies and distortions.  As for the others, the ones you can rely on [his voice grows hoarse], it reminds me of the old days.