I saw a headline that a federal judge has ordered the federal government to stop building a detention center in “Alligator Alcatraz” to house illegal aliens. I thought at first that the story was a parody from The Onion. When I checked, I saw that it was from a straight news site.
The plaintiffs — two environmental groups and a Native American Tribe — seek to halt the project on environmental grounds. The judge’s ruling stops construction while the parties prepare to argue the merits of a preliminary injunction.
While this particular story was straight news, the invocation of environmental law to affect an issue of border control and national security reminded me of a parody I wrote nearly 10 years ago, reprinted for your reading pleasure:
FDR’s Pearl Harbor Speech, Updated
onemorething1703 Leave a comment Edit
Yesterday, December 7, 1941, is a date that will live in infamy. Vandals, who may be in some way connected to the Imperial Japanese Navy, used military assault weapons to wreak havoc on Pearl Harbor, outside of Honolulu, Hawaii. In their mindless destruction, these outlaws showed no respect for human life or for the property of others. Our thoughts and prayers go out to the thousands of families who lost loved ones as a consequence of this senseless violence.
I have directed my Secretary of the Interior to fly to Honolulu tomorrow to assess the environmental damage resulting from the smoke pouring from fires burning out of control along Battleship Row and the release of naval and aviation fuel into the delicate habitat of Pearl Harbor. He will report back directly to me.
I know that many of you are upset by these events. Let me assure you, that I too am upset. However, if we react with violence, if we fail to control our basest instincts, then we will have handed a victory to the vandals who carried out these destructive acts.
Instead of giving these outlaws what they want, we will conduct a thorough investigation. I have directed my Secretary of State to contact his counterpart in Tokyo to help us gather evidence concerning who these lone wolf attackers were, and how we and our partners in Tokyo can work together to minimize any future outbreaks of senseless violent extremism. We need to get to the bottom of this incident, to learn why and how it happened, so that we can work to ensure that it never happens again.
We do not know the motive behind this attack and we will not know it for many months, when investigators from the FBI and the Naval Investigative Service have had an opportunity to gather all of the facts, to interview witnesses, and to build a case against the perpetrators. For now, I am asking my counterpart, the Emperor of Japan, to cooperate fully with our investigation. I have already sent him a request for the names and addresses of all pilots employed by the Imperial Japanese Navy who may have had access to assault aircraft during the days leading up to December 7. I have every confidence that my investigators will in time get the facts necessary to allow us to draw the appropriate conclusions and establish a policy that will ensure the continued peace and prosperity of all the nations of the Pacific community.
In the meantime, let’s put all thought of over-reacting out of our minds. Let’s focus less on the victory of any one country and renew our efforts to find peaceful solutions to the concerns that may at times divide us from our neighbors. The pilots who carried out these acts of senseless vandalism are a tiny minority of the personnel assigned to the Imperial Japanese Navy. Let’s not judge an entire organization by the acts of a few extremists. If we react with violence, the situation could easily spin out of control. There has already been substantial loss of life, property damage, and environmental degradation. I am not going to make the situation worse by adding to this senseless violence.
The best thing we can do right now is to light candles against the darkness, gather flowers to remind ourselves of the blessings of peace, link arms, and lift our voices together in song and prayer.
Thank you, and God bless America.
— Gerry Bresslour
The Passing Scene 